Active detection therefore means that based on senses we follow the interlocutor, paying special attention to changes in signals:
- body physiology (posture, appearance),
- emotional state (anger, joy) and
- dynamics (breathing, speaking).
When we want to connect with another person, we can imitate their body language, breathing and voice at the beginning of the conversation. At the beginning, we observe the person and perceive his posture (closed arms, crossed legs), breathing (fast, slow, deep, shallow) and voice (tone, speed, volume).
Then we start using similar dynamics e.g. we perform slight movements that do not need to be exactly the same, but are similar in speed to the movements of the interlocutor: if he makes a quick movement of raising his hand, we can only scratch our heads.
Finally with similar words or in the words of the interlocutor, he accepts the message (feeling) that we are similar and feels connected.
We want to be connected with our interlocutor on a conscious and unconscious level even before we start giving concrete suggestions. As already explained in the example above, this is most easily achieved:
- with similarity (visual, rhythm, attitude, interests, values),
- vulnerability (ability to respond emotionally),
- a joint “conspiracy” (we move away from the group with the interlocutor) and
- understanding (ability to listen and accept diversity).
Active listening levels:
- First level – blank stare, false listening.
- Second level – We capture some facts.
- Third level – We pay attention to details, little emotion.
- Fourth level – Active listening; we hear details and feel emotions, we are compassionate.